How to Talk to Strangers

Walking up to people you don't know and striking up a conversation is the social equivalent of skydiving. It's fun and interesting, but risky. It might also change your life. If you make the effort despite your fears about talking to strangers, you might accidentally have the time of your life. Read on, aspiring social skydiver, read on....

1 Let go of your ego. Prepare to be ignored. Prepare to be brushed off in a dramatic fashion. But also prepare to meet (and possibly date) people of unique vintage and beauty. When you take the risk of talking to someone you don’t know, rejection is certainly a possibility. So when you're out and about, leave the ego behind and keep the following in mind:

Try to see failure as exciting — it’s a chance to learn and improve.

People don’t bite. A lot of people are really open to conversation. In fact, you’d be amazed at how many people will be practically overjoyed that you came and talked to them, as if they’ve been waiting for you to approach them.

Rejection is no big deal. This can't be emphasized enough. Still, fear of rejection will be the main reason why people don’t go out and try this. If you are willing to get rejected, brush it off and keep going. You will have an awesome life.

The people around you aren’t watching you approach strangers. And, even when they are, it’s usually in shock and awe, rather than because they’re laughing at you.

2 Know how to start a conversation with a stranger. Don’t count on other people to come to you; be ready and willing to walk up to anyone who looks interesting and forge a connection.

Make sure you know how to use confidence and welcoming body language to disarm anyone who might be on their guard.

3 Keep it simple. Don't come in with “canned material”, “nuclear attraction” routines, or other social robotics. The best way to make a connection with someone is to come from the heart and live fully in the moment.

What you say isn’t nearly as important as how you say it. Socializing is about exchanging energy, not being a wordsmith.

When in doubt, just say “Hi”. If you’ve never done this before, you may get brushed off several, even dozens of times until you get really comfortable being yourself in front of other people.

Try beginning with an experience that you and the stranger are both experiencing together. Perhaps a baby is crying annoyingly in the room or you and the stranger are at the theater, walking out of a really bad movie. Use these shared experiences to create conversation starting questions or statements. Breaking the ice is easier when you can create a connection with the stranger. Also, they will likely already have an opinion on the matter to share in response.

4 Try often. If you’re still terrified by the idea of talking to strangers, challenge yourself to talk to one stranger a day, every day, for 30 days. If you’re walking past someone on the sidewalk, say “Hi”, and the person looks at you and keeps walking (done that many times), your job is done for the day. If you walk up to a girl in a club and say “Hey!”, and she responds, with a slightly grossed out look “I have a boyfriend," congratulations — you’re one step closer to improving your love life. The point of this exercise is to get you used to talking to people you don’t know and form the habit of being more social.

5 Attend social events by yourself. That’s right — don’t invite anyone along. No one needs to know where you’re going. You don’t need permission from your girlfriend or boyfriend. You just need to choose to make right now a lot more exciting than yesterday.

Your goal for this outing should be just one simple thing: Amuse yourself. You don’t need to get any phone numbers. In fact, you don't need to make any guarantees that you’ll actually talk to anyone. Don’t scare yourself into submission before you’ve even left the house. If you claim you “can’t find anything good” you may not be looking hard enough.

There are many opportunities for improving your social suaveness in most towns and cities:

Art shows

Book readings

Music concerts

Museum exhibitions

“Beginners Night” dance classes

Speed dating

Outdoor festivals

Geek gatherings

Parades/rallies/protests

Nightclubs

Tips

Being willing to go out by yourself gives you more control over your social life. It means you can make a decision about what you want to do on a given night, even if nobody else wants to or is available to join you. Suddenly, those awkward moments of waiting around for your friend to show up at some social gathering become opportunities to meet new people.

If you do this enough, you’ll eventually get comfortable being yourself around people. While you should expect your first time to be really scary, even lame perhaps, see the bigger picture. Do you really think you’ll still be just as horrified once you’ve done this 10 times? 100 times? 1000 times? Planting yourself in social situations actually makes talking to strangers become the path of least resistance. In fact, you’ll look a lot stranger if you aren’t talking to people.

Trust people. No matter how cool, popular or famous a person might seem, the vast majority of people are not jerks. They won't make fun of you, and they won't talk about you behind your back. Most people on the planet are genuinely good people.

If you decide go out by yourself to a new location or area, it is a good idea to let someone know where you are going and when you expect to return.

To help you find these things easily, and also make it a little less intimidating, you can use social networking sites such as meetup.com that encourage real life interactions. You can find groups in your local area that match things you're interested in and get involved in social groups you are more likely to be comfortable at talking to new people.

If you are Facebook user, check your events page to see what's happening where and when in your area.

Warnings

You will encounter all of the following problems, but the sooner you push through them, the sooner you'll realize how harmless they really are:

You won’t know what to say when you approach people.

You might end up standing around looking uncomfortable.

You’ll be almost visibly shaking for the first few people you approach.

You might get off to a good start in a conversation, and then get stuck and don't know what else to say (uncomfortable silences).

Some people will think you’re creepy.

Some people will think you’re weird because you’re not out with your friends.

You’ll tell yourself, “This is too hard! I think I’ll just rent a movie instead.”

Some people will think you're hitting on them.

http://www.wikihow.com/Talk-to-Strangers